OK...... look don't hold it against the messenger and I am not sexist and if
further you will find one for the guys too. Got this in an email and found
and relatively clean and thought you might also. We all have seen
these themes in our daily lives.
ATM PROCEDURE FOR FEMALE CUSTOMERS (Ideal scenario) :
1. Stating in a clear sweet voice, “Honey, we need to go to the ATM.”
2. Kiss ‘Honey’ on cheek after he volunteers and tuck a ‘short shopping
list ’ in his shirt pocket.
3. Return to lounging before TV and eating Bonbons while playing with
ATM PROCEDURE FOR FEMALE CUSTOMERS (as actually practiced):
1. Drive up to the ATM
2. Reverse back the required distance to align car with ATM
3. Re-start stalled engine
4. Open the car window
5. Find handbag, empty all contents onto the passenger seat and locate ATM card
6. Turn radio down
7. Attempt to insert card into ATM
8. Open car door to allow easier access to ATM due to excessive distance from
car to ATM.
9. Insert card
10. Re-insert card the right way up
11. Ignore the sound of car horn from vehicle behind
12. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate diary with
PIN written on the inside back page under
"Date of Birth"
13. Enter PIN
14. Press "cancel" and re-enter PIN
15. Enter amount of cash required and check make-up in rear view mirror
16. Drum fingertips on steering wheel, look at ATM for one minute and then press
17. Retrieve cash and receipt
18. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate purse and place
19. Place receipt in back of checkbook
20. Re-check make-up
21. Drive forward two yards
22. Reverse back to ATM ignoring the sound of car horn from vehicle behind
23. Retrieve card
24. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate cardholder and
place card in an empty slot
25. Drive two or three miles
26. Release parking brake
ATM PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS (Ideal scenario) :
1. Drive up to the ATM
2. Open the car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and press "enter"
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6. Close window
7. Drive away
ATM PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS (as actually practiced):
1. Drive up to the ATM while complaining mentally at least, verbally if a
buddy is with you,
about how darn narrow those drive through
lanes are getting and how dangerous
those concrete filled steel poles are to
fine paint jobs.
2. Open the car window after juggling ¾ gallon soft drink cup and in
frustration of finding
no place to put it, you decide the roof is
a good place for it, you put it up there.
3. Glance at instructions on ATM.
4. Insert card into machine, call wife on cell and ask her to look under
all numbers are stored and enter the PIN
5. After PIN is rejected, begin complaining (as in #1 above) about how they make
those keypads for people with small
fingers. Recall wife again and irritate her again
and reenter the same number she first
6. Enter amount of cash required and stop to recalculate if you’re getting
enough and press, "enter".
7. Turn half way around in the seat several seconds after the honking has
behind you and if the driver is
a) female, smile
b) male, smile and
flip the bird.
8. Wondering what’s taking so long with the transaction you read the, now
display on the little screen, which
informs you that there is a problem with your transaction
and you need to start over.
9. Repeat steps 5 through 7 as many times as necessary until you adopt a slow
manner to insure if a mistake is made this
time, it’s the ATM’s fault, not yours.
10. Retrieve cash, card and receipt. Cash is folded around card with a practiced
technique and placed in shirt pocket.
Receipt is crumpled and it somehow magically
disappears (and is only to be found by the
next owner of the vehicle).
The list given by wife mysteriously
disappears somewhere around this time as well.
Which leads to free range memory being
used in stores later. Which quite possibly
leads to sleeping on the couch for the
11. Close window while thinking about where you need to be sometime down the
12. Drive away, scarping chrome off your bumper on one of the concrete filled
poles you commented on earlier.
13. Stop somewhere for another ¾ gallon soft drink to enjoy as you wash the
from where it spilled on the roof
and trunk or got dumped into the back of the truck.